Men's Bill Of Rights

By Ajax the Great (Pete Jackson)

(Ideas presented herein are not necessarily those of others in our movement.)

Since the only way to end the 7000 year gender war (which we call "patriarchy" to make it sound nicer) is for us fellas to "accept the unacceptable" and surrender to Women, I believe that we should surrender sooner than later.  The terms of surrender, however, should include a "Men's Bill of Rights", for obvious reasons.  To wit, I propose the following, submitted for your approval, Ladies:

MEN'S BILL OF RIGHTS:

1. No taxation without representation, regardless of gender.
2. Zero liability for any unauthorized inseminations OR transactions.
3. No slavery or involuntary servitude shall exist, for anyone of any gender anywhere, in theory or practice, save as a punishment for a crime for which one has been duly convicted.  (That includes conscription as well, by the way.)
4. All people shall be presumed innocent until proven guilty in a court of law, regardless of gender.
5. No cruel and unusual punishment, for any person of any gender.
6. NO Means NO, and YES Means YES, regardless of gender.
7. "Right to Roam" shall be sacrosanct for all people regardless of gender.  NO lockdowns, curfews, or travel restrictions, for anyone of any gender.
8. "Right to Self-Pleasure" (in private) shall be sacrosanct for all people regardless of gender.
9. "My body, my mind, my choice", full stop, regardless of gender.
10. No person shall be deprived of life, liberty, or property without due process of law, regardless of gender.
11. None of the above shall replace, abridge, or disparage the rights enumerated or implied in the general Bill of Rights in the Constitution of the United States.

(Mic drop)